Today I found out that I lost you. I'm sorry that for whatever reason, you will not get to join our family here on this earth. I'm sorry for all you missed and didn't get to experience, but mostly I am sorry that I wont get to meet you, hold you, kiss you, know you and watch you grow.
I dreamt of you. I knew you were coming somehow a long time ago. You were meant to be with me. I was supposed to be your mom.
I thought about all my blessings today. And although I have had some hard trials in my life, I could only think about how my life in the last few years has been full of blessing after blessing. Its more than luck. Life has turned out exactly the way it has supposed to. This makes losing you even harder. How can I say that life has turned out the way it should when I dont have you here with me?
I spoke to God today, I begged him, I yelled at him, and then ultimately, I thanked him for the gift of allowing me to have you even for such a short time. I keep thinking that in this there is a bigger lesson that I need to learn. To not take things for granted, to enjoy every present moment, to cherish my other children every second, to celebrate life in every aspect, as if every day would be the last.
A lesson that somehow God wanted me to learn. A lesson that is a gift so heavy and so hard to forget. But a gift nonetheless.
I dreamt of you. You were meant to be with me. And I know you will be. I have an angel baby.
I will see you someday and I will get to be your mom. We will all be together, I promise. Until then, you are in my heart and I will know that you are in a wonderful place with many people that I love, waiting for me.
Love, Mommy
.
1 comment:
Hugs sent to you.
Post a Comment