Becoming a Mother

So this post is really long.... I am not one to ramble on about stuff but this is also for documenting before memories become cloudy :) 


This was my first mothers day as a mother. I am finally a mom... I love being a mom. I wondered for so long when it would my turn to be a mother. I was never jealous or upset when other people around me were having babies, but I would think of those teen mothers or mothers that are incapable to care for a child and ask why God would give them a child not allow 2 good people like me and Brett that chance.  We always had faith that things would turn out how they were supposed to and so we waited. We had a wonderful 6 years alone together but there was something missing. We wanted a family and were very disappointed to find out that neither of us could. Both of us had problems that kept us from being able to have children. I was told that we could try Invetro and it may work and may not work but, where were we going to get 10,000 dollars to do that?

Deciding to become foster parents was not an easy decision. Brett had no idea about foster care or the processes. I grew up knowing a foster family and also a family that adopted many, many, many children. These families were always examples to me and had a positive view on foster care and adoption my whole life. I always thought I would adopt a child even if I did have my own. I brought it up to Brett one day about 2 years ago. He was very supportive and accepting of the idea. We spent a few months going to trainings and classes to get certified. We always thought we would get one small child and we thought we would get it soon after we finished the classes. That wasn't the case.

 We waited quite a while. We had 2 calls about potential placements but 1 ended up going to live with family instead of a foster family. and the other had a child in a wheelchair which was not conducive to our house with a lot of stairs. We got a call one day about a placement of 2 kids, one boy and one girl ages 3 and 1. They were already in a foster home but they were looking for an adoptive home for them since their parents were about to lose their rights. I went in to DCFS and read their case files and talked with Brett and we decided that yes, we would be an adoptive home for them. We were not obligated to adopt them if it ended up not being the right fit but we were saying that we were willing to take them and we had intentions to adopt them. A couple weeks later, we got a call that said that  their mother got an extension from DCFS because she checked in to rehab and they were going to let the kids temporarily live with her. We never met these kids which is a good thing but it was a bit hard to go from being excited about something and not have it happen. We ended up moving to Ogden. Brett had a new job and I got a job too... Later, I got a phone call letting me know that sadly, these 2 children were back in the system and if we still wanted them. We had the 3 girls by the time this happened and they were adopted by another family.

June 28th: I got a call from Clearfield DCFS asking if I would take in 4 kids ages 1-7. I told them that we did not have enough room in our car and also in our house. We only have 3 bedrooms and each kids is required a certain amount of square footage. They said - Ok thanks anyways. Another placement that didn't work... bummer. An hour later I got another call from the same case worker. She asked if I could take the 3 girls. I told her that I would have to call my husband and get back to her. She told me to hurry. I called Brett and we talked about it for a minute. 3 kids!! We never thought we would get 3 and we never thought that we would accept 3 even if they asked. It was very strange though because when I was talking to him we both felt good about it. We knew it was right and that it would be ok. I called her back and said that we could take them. The only thing I had in my house was a twin bed (bought for the other girl we were going to get). That was all. What was I going to do with 3 kids. So I thought ok- I will have some time to get some things together..... She said that the kids were taken because of domestic abuse and neglect and that the grandmother had them for about 10 days and could'nt do it anymore. The next thing she said on the phone was- You can come pick them up tomorrow morning.  WHAT?? Pure panic. I had so much to do. I emailed my family to see if anyone had a crib... and I did have an aunt getting rid of one. Good old KSL classifieds provided us with a toddler bed and portacrib to use until I went to get the crib.

June 29th: I drove over to DCFS in our little Honda Civic :) I talked to the case worker and also the psycologist before I met the girls. The psychologist told me that he had been watching the visit between the kids and the mom and we quite disturbed by her inability to be a mother to them. He also told me that he was concerned about where the kids were at developmentally. He told me that Anavy had some kind of autism and pica (where you eat uneatable things) Great... I was in for more that I thought. She did not end up having these things. She was just a 1 year old stuck in a 5 year old body. But they were sure cute! I drove away with 3 screaming kids in 3 car seats in the back of my little car. Not the best moment in my life.

The hardest months of my life followed... wow, I never thought being a mom was so so hard. I had my share of breakdowns. I doubted that I could do it often. I realized that I had NO idea how to be a mom.  Gradually I have made it work. I had to change things about myself to become a better person and a mother to these kids. They deserved it.

It is still hard. I can't say that I never just go to my room and cry because it is overwhelmingly hard. But the positives out number the hard times by far and now I am about to adopt my 3 daughters. They are a great gift. I took home three 1 year olds. (at least developmentally) and they have just blossomed. All they needed was someone to teach them and take care of them.

Being a foster parent is not easy. It is not for everyone and now that I have been through it- I'm not so sure it is for me. But looking back now, I understand why we were not meant to have our own kids. Things did turn out the way they were supposed to. This was supposed to happen to us. These kids were supposed to ours.



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